“This is the year I’m going to stick to my New Year’s resolution!”

We’ve heard that line before. Not trying to be the Debbie Downer here, but out of the millions of people who make resolutions, only 8% actually cross the finish line. It sounds simple enough to set a goal and accomplish it, right? Then why do we constantly trip over our feet? For starters, a New Year’s resolution shouldn’t be proclaimed during the fifth champagne toast. The reality is, many of us set dreams that just can’t be met rather than achievable goals.

Why even make a resolution? Well, that’s a story for a different day. Instead of us giving you advice on how to set and accomplish a goal, we’re going to give it to you straight. This is the PALO 8 to New Year’s resolutions you shouldn’t bother making.

#1 Lose Weight / Start Going to the Gym

Such a basic New Year’s resolution…you look amazing anyway! Why do 80% of resolutions fail by the second week of February? Go to the gym and you’ll know immediately. Gyms are expensive, overcrowded, hot, unsanitized equipment and above all, the smell of sweat and major body odor will have you walking out the door.

#2 Find Your Soulmate, ha!

Hey now, we’re all romantics in some aspect. But love is not something that appears out of thin air because we declare we’re ready now. Relax, be patient, and as the old saying goes; “All good things come to those who wait.”

#3 Travel More

“Let’s be spontaneous and go backpacking across Europe!” As Cooper Harris from EuroTrip confidently stated, “Europe is like the size of the Eastwood Mall.” And yes, they are referring to the Eastwood Mall in Niles. That’s great and all, but good luck getting the time off from work, booking flights, covering rent, pets, spouse and the list goes on. Traveling takes time and money.

#4 Quit Your Job

If you’re in a 9-5 rut, it makes all the sense in the world to want to quit your job, especially if you’re not happy. But please do not rush to put in your resignation. Most importantly, make sure you have another job lined up before putting in your two weeks notice.

#5 Manage Stress Better

Unfortunately, there’s no on/off switch for this. If that was the case, we would have been stress-free years ago. Instead, take a closer look at what’s causing strain in your life and focus on one thing at a time. By taking small steps, you’re helping to alleviate a big stress factor.

#6 Eating Healthy

Easy enough, right? I myself am guilty of making this New Year’s resolution. We promise to cook gourmet meals and eat like an Olympic athlete. Now here’s the reality. It’s your first day back in the office after the holidays and you’re playing catch up and forced to work over. Are you really going to feel like cooking a meal featuring 18 different ingredients at 8 o’clock at night when fast food sounds so much better?

#7 To Be More Outgoing

We dream about being the life of the party, but if you’re an introvert and like it, why change? Eating cheese alone on the couch sounds way better.

#8 Spend Less. Save More.

It’s too vague to state you’ll do “better” with your finances. Be financial savvy! Create and stick to a monthly budget and cut down on your top two major bills.

There you have it! The lesson here? Cue the sappy music from Full House and have Danny Tanner share his top-notch parental advice as the studio audience goes, “awweeee.” Do not overcomplicate things. Let’s keep it simple in 2018. Okay, that’s it! Now go and treat this year like every other year.